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Basking In The Trivial

90 Day Fiance: Oooohhhhhh yes, I’m going to pay my sister’s mortgage

By 77 Comments

The K1 visa shit is starting to hit the fan on 90 Day Fiance, and even without Danielle and Mohamed, this season is getting interesting. Hooray! Other people’s lives are more of a mess than ours. Let’s judge:

If you own this chair, you are not mature enough to get married. (Sears.com)

If you own this chair, you are not mature enough to get married. (Sears.com)

Loren and Alexei: Alexie has officially moved in to Loren’s parents’ small 3-bedroom condo in Del Boca Vista, and it comes as no surprise that 1. Loren has the pink shoe chair and 2. She is anal about the cleanliness of her little girl’s bedroom which she must now share with her 6’34” Israeli fiancé. Loren’s dad lays out his cliche’d concerns about audible sex in the house before the whole family -including Loren’s normal sister- sit down to Skype with Alexei’s family in Israel. Lo and behold, Alexei’s family is miserable without him. His brother had a “break-down”, his father refuses to fish without him, and Alexei’s near-dead Grandma is just that much closer to dying because Loren snatched away her favorite grandson like he was the last Kate Spade mug in her initial on sale at Off Fifth. Naturally, Loren was very upset after this Skype call. After all, she is surrounded by her family and friends and fiancé, and Alexei’s family really miss him. This is SUPER HARD ON HER so she locks Alexei out of their room and he must awkwardly mingle with her deeply concerned family after basically telling his Grandma goodbye before she dies. How could he do this to Loren?!?!

As Loren’s mother so stoically put it, “If Loren is not happy, that is not good.” Wait till Loren finds out that the Gilmore Girls isn’t real.

Aleksandra and Josh: The former exotic dancer and the presumably-gay Mormon take a stroll down Main Street, Rexburg which is so desolate, they are literally the only two people walking around. Maybe everyone just ran indoors to hide from Aleksandra’s wrist tattoo so that God wouldn’t strike them blind. Josh knows how much Aleksandra loves to dance so he takes her “salsa” dancing at a strip mall in Idaho. The result was disastrous! Aleksandra hated the awkward experience so much that she raced back to Josh’s Grandma’s house to Skype HER MALE BEST FRIEND FROM ANGOLA. Aleksandra is pretty sure that she is too young to get married and really wants to go back to Prague. This is verbatim. Aleksandra is basically begging the 90DF camera person to free her from Mormon underwear hell like a victim of home invasion who suddenly gets a phone call from an unsuspecting friend and tries to give verbal clues as to what’s really going on.

Nikki and Mark: Nikki is so bored at Mark’s “beautiful” house that she decides to put on her 19-year old reading glasses to clean and rearrange his bookshelf. Mark basically threatens divorce over this. Come ON. He doesn’t have THAT many books. It’s one wall of music, science, and divorce books. If it will make Nikki feel useful to move all the books around, fine. I’m sure Mark will be able to find the “Dating Your Grand-Daighter For Dummies” that he’s looking for. Mark was so upset about this stupid book thing that he made Nikki a virgin strawberry margarita with whipped cream and was like, “Don’t touch my books or I will bury you where they will never find you.”

Melanie and Devar: Ruh Roh. Melanie’s other scary sister shows up with Ursula to grill Devar about his sexual history. These ladies are awfully bold in their segues into, “How many vaginas have you ever touched in your life?” questions. They don’t bother with the time-consuming pleasantries of “How are you liking Pennsylvania?” or “How’s life living with an 11-year old step-kid?” No, the two mean sisters from Cinderella are like, “Nice to meet you. We need to examine your penis for disease.” Unfortunately, Devar is not great at reading these social cues and claims that he’s had one girlfriend ever and never engaged in a one-night stand. Are these questions any of the sisters’ business? No. Is Devar telling the truth? No. The appropriate answer is, “That’s between Melanie and myself as of yet, but I can understand your concern. Oooohh yes. I hope you’ll accept me and get to like me. More lobster?”

Instead, Devar took this opportunity to inform Melanie and her sisters that once he gets a job in 8 months, he plans to send 9 out of every 10 dollars he makes back to his family in Jamaica. Or as Margarita Bev put it, “99%.” MELANIE WAS PISSED! Finances are always very personal and again, none of the sisters’ business. But Devar should have told Melanie that he planned to give ALL of his money to his seven siblings and that she would be responsible for paying all of his bills forever and ever. I’ve been voraciously defending Devar and Melanie in these recaps, much to some commenters dismay. I shall admit that I am starting to turn the tide on this relationship. First of all, one of you mentioned the “Beach Boys of Jamaica” and after sifting through many videos of “Kokomo” I finally found a myriad of articles on the Jamaican men who professionally woo on female tourists. Oooohhh yes. Also, Devar seems quite confident that he shouldn’t have to pay for a thing in America because Melanie can pay for it. His only guilt about not working is not being able to pay for shit back in Jamaica. Devar openly expects Melanie to fund the rest of his life, oh and also, he won’t be doing the dishes.

Your English is no good! (TLC.com)

Your English is no good! (TLC.com)

Carolina and Fernando: Nothing has changed with those two. They’re still suffering through Fernando’s visit to Medallin, where according to SND intel, they used to live together. Carolina takes her female family to pick out a wedding dress and everyone cries tears of sadness over her choice to move to “USA”. Fernando doesn’t know when the K1 visa will get approved, but meanwhile, every time Carolina goes in for a peck, Fernando shoves his tongue in her mouth. Again, this guy is a famous lady-killer with mad game. Fernando is very concerned that Carolina’s perfectly good English is horrible, so he condescendingly teaches her English go-words like, “Miami Zoo.”

We saw nothing from New Orleans Bug House this week, but apparently there is flirting with bar patrons coming up in the next episode. Of course we anxiously await your thoughts and observations in the comments section. Until next time, my 90 Day Friends, may all of your commercial breaks be brief!

  • CoachWristletJen

    Let me start by saying I’m glad we are discussing/processing the stuffed pink shoe! And as for Loren, anytime somebody gives the I-am-always-the-most-selfless-person-ever-it’s-time-for-ME-now speech, we can be reasonably sure that the first part of that sentence is false.

    We are getting to understand Alexi better. He just doesn’t display his emotions so openly, but he does have them. He said he wants to be a cop, and I think that would make him a good one.

    Devar had game when it came to seducing the beach babes, but he’s in a new game now and very much out of his element. No one prepared him for this! A better strategy for him would have been to wait until they were married before announcing that she was going to support him always and forever. 90 PERCENT? Certainly he should send some money home but he can’t be treating Melanie like an ATM now..

    • Buffo

      I was thinking that about Loren when the phony explosion happened. Suddenly (always) it was all about her. It was the Loren Show. This show goes on 24/7, and her parents seem to play right into it. Normal sister didn’t look too impressed, and good for her. And all this time, if Loren really gave a monkey’s, she could GO TO ISRAEL. She could live with Alexi’s family in the kibbutz or wherever, far outside the Pink Shoe Zone. That would solve all their practical problems, but it’s just not what Loren wants.

      Devar is totally out of his element, isn’t he? He only has game on the beach. He isn’t very good at thinking on his feet. He doesn’t even have enough self-interest to wait to reveal his hidden motives. Devar’s use-by date just got a lot nearer.

    • Rafa Ella

      Wow, so true. Loren is selfish and annoying. But in the last episode, I realized her parents are such enablers. They way her mother told Alexei to go after her… They have spoiled her so much and created an egocentric monster. And like Shawty said here earlier: She preferred to make a scene instead of comforting Alexei. It says a lot about her.

    • TLati

      While I agree with you about Devar and his beach game, I still think a lot of the beach babes know what is up. Author Terry McMillan ring-a-bell? Come on! That article is almost ten years old and Melanie doesn’t strike me as in the least bit a stereotypical blonde. She’s smart. I think she was very aware of Devar wanting to help his family financial. I mean he can’t even buy her a ring! But in her mad dash to get to the alter she and he were obviously not conversing about the details of their “forever” union.

      As for Loren, she is a very pretty spoiled brat. I think her looks didn’t prepare for the real world because as studies have shown pretty people are given little more perks than us regular folk. She has to learn her perks don’t work in marriage. Maybe at a bar but not in a legit marriage. I feel bad for Alexi having to deal with her immature emotional outbursts.

    • Heather126

      Loren is extremely self absorbed. Your man gave up his whole life and family to be with you and you are nagging him about cleanliness and closet space? I don’t see this lasting long. It IS allllll about her.

      • snd fan

        Yes, closets?! Why is she nagging him for putting his things in her room but not giving him any space to put them. He’s not allowed in the closet or on the floor or on the chair…it’s a small room and he’s a big guy where *is* he allowed?!

    • jamey

      I don’t think he should send any money home. Supposdly his mom sends money back, and they are grown people who can work themselves. .he’s not there to use bills.
      I can’t stand alexia or loren.
      But noon?? Oh my budda!! Lol I just adore adore her!! She by far is my favorite that has ever been on this show in all seasons.
      I think mark is skeezy and I hope nikki runs

  • Denna

    Every time Loren’s annoying ass voice hits a high pitch, a beautiful butterfly withers, dies, and gently floats to the earth. STOP TALKING LOREN.

    • Buffo

      I wish someone would put a sock – or anything, really – in it. She is so ENTITLED.

      • Albatross

        ohhh yes

      • boomdeyay

        I thought that the parents home would be nicer since her apartment in NYC was pretty cute. I assumed that the parents financed part of it since she doesn’t seem to have much of a career. You don’t really kiss a great job goodbye when you could take a leave or work remotely. That place is very jam packed with just the two parents there.

        • There Wolf There Castle

          Not to defend her in -any way- but I’m pretty sure her “Great Job” was an executive assistant I’d heard or read somewhere.

          • snd fan

            I didn’t understand what she thought he was going to be doing in New York that would be *so* expensive that they both couldn’t live there. Was there really a need for her to give up her apartment/job/life and move back in with her parents?! It really seems like she created more problems than solutions with that one…

          • MEBello

            I thought the same thing! Why couldn’t they both stay in the apartment and she could keep her job? I don’t get it.

          • disqus_tg4I9n1ilM

            She said in episode 1 that she’s an executive assistant.

            Very few 20somethings can afford to live in NYC without (a) substantial family money propping them up or (b) multiple roommates in a cramped, crappy apartment. My guess is that Loren left New York because she’s not in category (a) and hosting Alexei with a bunch of strange roommates was just unappealing.

  • shawty

    These recaps make me happy–not just because I’m not the only one watching this trainwreck, but because they’re wonderfully and hilariously written. 😉

    I really, really wanted to believe in Devar, but he’s shat the bed here. I think it’s fair to send some money home to the extended family if it doesn’t detract from the immediate family.

    Was SUPER unimpressed with Loren’s dramatics when she should have been the one comforting Alexei first. That shoe chair makes so much sense now.

    • Buffo

      Did you see the state of the kitchen in the condo where Loren and Alexi now live with several other people? The place is a shambles. And her bedroom didn’t look all that tidy or clean, either. I bet her mom does all the folding in the closet. Just like her parents bought her the apartment in NYC where she was living before. Once they sponsored Alexi they couldn’t afford the apartment.

      • shawty

        That condo was SO depressing. I remember seeing her NYC apartment and thinking she must have been exceptionally successful to be living so young AND living alone in the city. You have to be right–it was totally her parents’ doing.

        • Melissa

          I don’t think she was living alone. When she left everything was still there. Still sharing an apartment with one person would be pretty expensive in NYC.

        • ItSmellsLikePee

          She was an Executive Assistant, I doubt that pays an expensive rent bill. She probably had a few roomies. My relatives in NYC live with family, etc. because it is so expensive there.

      • abby

        Her parents kitchen looked like an episode of Hoarders!

      • Heather126

        You are right. The parents condo is depressing! Imagine that they tidied up before cameras got there and it still looked like a disaster!

        • Lizbeth Turner

          That’s what any room looks like after Fatnando makes a sandwich.

    • GluedTo90DF

      shat the bed…..you just made me snort diet coke onto my keyboard. Damn you!

      • shawty

        My pleasure! So happy to have people to share this shitshow with. What’s even funnier is one of my friends from Facebook has been going to Jamaica A LOT lately, and I saw she got engaged there just yesterday….I can’t wait for the pictures to see if she’s marrying a Devar!

  • GG

    Up until reading this I was eagerly looking forward to watching the new 90DF when I get home tonight, but now I am living in dread at having to watch Fernando stick his tongue in anyone’s mouth. That guy is like a banana slug, but with less charisma.

    • Buffo

      Get a good look at the rear view of Fatnando. He’s 300 pounds of lard in a 100-pound bag. Yum!

      • abby

        And he thinks he is “all that”!

    • Albatross

      I fast forward the Fernando parts. Ever since he bragged about being great with the ladies. Barf.

      • ItSmellsLikePee

        These American guys think they are hot shit because they can woo a lady from a poor country. Don’t they have any ability to see that’s the only reason they are successful with the women?

    • Raquel

      I’m working in a library and just laughed out loud…hilarious!

  • Albatross

    I feel bad for both people in the Idaho couple. I don’t think Aleksandra imagined Rexburg, Idaho when she thought of moving to America. It also hurt watching her fiance’s heart visibly break when she was so disappointed by the “salsa dancing”. It was outside of his comfort zone and she didn’t appreciate it. Not her fault either, though. Kinda has me wondering how on Earth these two ended up together in the first place.?! Seems like she should go back to Prague and hook up with her dancing partner.

    Devar came across as very dumb in this episode. So embarrassing for Melanie.

    • boomdeyay

      The smallest town that I have ever lived in was Tallahassee and I about died of boredom there. And Tally looks like the left bank of Paris compared to that little town. She needs to get to contact the embassy for her country and get back there and start working the gogo again.

    • 1montrealaise3

      That was my first reaction – that Devar was dumb for telling Mel and her sisters about his financial plans – but after reading an article about Jamaican Beach Boys and their Sugar Mommys, I have a different take on it. The article says that there is an implicit agreement between every JBB and SM that he will provide lots of sex, attention and affection and in return, she will pay for everything. It’s never stated out loud, but both parties understand what the agreement entails. I think that Devar and Melanie are not on the same page – she thinks that she’s found her life partner, someone to have an equal relationship with, but he is still thinking JBB – SM.

      • TLati

        That’s how you know they haven’t really been talking about their next steps together. I left some YT clips on the previous comments section about these Beach Boys. They are not just in Jamaica. Wherever there is money in tourist there is “sugaring” going on. Best believe it! https://youtu.be/5yc9T1_OiJA https://youtu.be/kq5Si3oSdkg

    • Brett

      I feel so bad for her, buying into the dull Mormom lifestyle and maybe unknowingly becoming the beard of a Mormon boy. I knew a guy similar to Josh, very effeminate and we always wondered if he was gay. The guy I knew got married to a woman and then became abusive. Not sure what ever happened to them.

      Not that Josh will necessarily start beating up Aleksandra, but she doesn’t belong in an Idaho strip mall watching Mormons do the robot. She should be back where she was happy with her see-through shirts and her dirty dancing.

  • Buffo

    Spread Devar with butter and jam, because he’s toast. No way he comes to America to eventually work only to send 90% of his income home and DOESN’T DISCUSS IT with Melanie first! Sure, most of their communication has always been, um, nonverbal and kind of horizontal five times a day, but still. And didn’t Devar’s mother supposedly leave her children and come to the States so she could send money home? Did she stop sending it home, which is why Devar has to? What’s with this family? No way is Melanie ever going to put up with that behavior. Unless the horizontal communication is excellent.

    Mark does not want a partner. He makes me sick with his phony carefully-worded communication. It all amounts to “you are my little doll to do with as I want, now smile and shut up.” Meanwhile he convinces himself he is so very charmingly eccentric and evolved. Uh huh. Nikki seems like of normal. Or normal for 90DF. She is certainly too normal for Mark, but aren’t we all?

    I so hope Aleksandra goes home. She needs to go. Quick, before he tries to hold your hand! This girl is too alive, too real, to be a Mormon. I’d keep a close eye on Josh’s depresso mother in case she tries to scoop out Aleksandra’s brain with a melon baller and serve it for lunch. I think Aleksandra is pretty good at recognizing zombies when she sees them, and she is seeing plenty of them. RUN RUN RUN

    • Rafa Ella

      Yea! She needs to go home. She already knows it. I hate that Aleksandra thinks she’s a bad person. She feels an unfair
      guilt that can really lower her self esteem in the future. I hope she
      gets well informed and meets people who encourage her to make her own decisions and think freely. As I was predicting… Mark (he still has the right to try to be happy with a partner) has turned out to be a control freak. But Nikki’s said more than once that she loves him. She is warm and complains that Mark is kind of distant. She seems to like him. I think he needs to relax and let go of his ocd’s tendencies. Otherwise, he’s gonna sabotage their relationship. Aleksandra, on the other hand, seems to see Josh as a friend. There’s nothing there. It’s so weird. Due to all the presumably brainwashing that he must have suffered, I dont even think he knows he might be gay. Even if he does, all the brainwashing from the church and family is gonna make it extremely hard for him to accept it, which is very unfortunate.

      • abby

        Good news! Josh and Aleksandra are now living in Omaha, where his is enrolled in Dental school. Definately more exciting than Rexburg!

  • gavinmac

    Re: Devar. Almost all poor immigrants to the US will send money back to help poor family members. Developing countries don’t have sufficient welfare programs, or social security, and it falls on working family members to help out other family members who can’t work or can’t find work. The problem though is with Devar unilaterally deciding that he’s sending back 90% of his future income, and that consulting with Melanie on this matter never once crossed his mind. He doesn’t view Melanie as a “partner in life,” he views her as the woman providing him with a rent-free place to stay while he earns money in America that he can send back to his family.

    • Rafa Ella

      well said.

    • 1montrealaise3

      I’ll bet that he sees his relationship with Melanie as a fair deal – she provides him with a rent-free place to stay in exchange for some “real good lovin’.”

    • GluedTo90DF

      Exactly. She was”chosen” by him because she already has (and more importantly PAYS FOR) everything material she needs in this life. He sees no reason for him to contribute. In his mind, his family needs it more. But did you notice that he says (last episode), that until he can get a job, he will make up for it with “good loving”. He is still in the Beach Gigolo/Rent-a-dread/Rastitute frame of mind. She pays for everything, he agrees to have sex with her and her butterface. That’s his contribution.

      • boomdeyay

        I do think that these beach boys convince themselves that they are entitled to compensation because their lady friends are old/fat/ugly. Mel does have a kickin’ body but she and her sisters have unfortunate facial features. There must be something in Melanie’s past that would explain why she is so hard up that she imports a jobless, penniless ne’er do well and doesn’t have custody of her son.

        • GluedTo90DF

          low self esteem.

          • CoachWristletJen

            Yup. Betcha Devar starts to catch on and learn this game. He’s not about to kill The Golden Goose. Her low self-esteem will give him room to make lots of mistakes (mistakes in learning the game that is because as far as actions go they are quite deliberate.) I really wish she would wise up but alas… she won’t. Not until it’s too late and she’s raising his child.

            BTW, I wouldn’t let that kid spend much time around Devar’s racist mother!

        • snd fan

          Yes, why is no one talking about how she must not have custody of her son. In one episode she made the comment that she sees him on weekends?!

          • abby

            She doesn’t have custody, and on the 90 day page she said he only visits on weekends because the majority of his friends live in her neighborhood, not her ex-husbands.

          • boomdeyay

            Oh Jeez. So she already pays child support, will be supporting Devar and his family. And her parents are paying for the ring. So are her parents bankrolling this whole circus? Or just the wedding segment? She is really the most fascinating of all of the sponsors because on the surface it wouldn’t appear that she would need to import and support a boyfriend. But there are all of these odd little things.

        • Brett

          Someone needs to tell her other sister to ease off on the spray tans. Good god. Melanie is definitely the best looking of the three, yes indeed.

    • Deborah Carleton Rio

      Exactly an american meal ticket, Melanie should have known that from the gate,anyone who immigrates to the US supports there people back in there native country…

      • There Wolf There Castle

        “anyone who immigrates to the US supports there people back in there native country…”

        My wife is an immigrant- and she doesn’t. Careful with the blanket statements, please. That’s the kind of ignorance 90DF trades on and further propagates.

        • Berdell Harris

          I agree, Devar needs further clarification however I wonder if Melanie is taking advantage of Devar. Devar is good looking, I know he probably gives good loving and is naive. Melanie’s expectation is high. She is expecting a daddy figure for her son, etc etc. Why would an efficient, structured person, like Melanie, so-call “fall in love” with a person who is not up to speed with American ways and traditions. There are two major issues going on, Devar’s commitment to his family in Jamaica and Melanie’s to her son. Devar does need to know you have to cut loose the strings when you become one in matrimony. If they are already married I wish them the best. If not married I suggest Devar to runnnnnnn because sooner or later Melanie is going to get tried of raising yet another kid, Devar and Devar will get tired of Melanie’s controlling ways.

    • boomdeyay

      Do you think that they are his kids? Hence his Mother’s cryptic “Take CARE of that boy Devar”.

      • Albatross

        Very interesting take. I also noticed the emphasis on “take CARE of that Boy” from his mother, but didn’t link it up the way you did. I think you might be onto something.

      • TLati

        Naw, I think you’re just stereotyping him now. If he was feel about the money situation why won’t he be free about any children of his own.

  • gavinmac

    Mark needs to get Nikki involved in some activities, preferably out of the house. Her English is very good, but he could have a tutor come by for a few hours several times a week to improve it. Mainly, just to keep her occupied. I have a younger Cambodian girlfriend, and when I was living there, I paid for her to go to English classes 3X a week, well worth it to get her out of the apartment. I also paid for her to do cosmetology training/apprenticeship, because it’s the dream of almost every woman in Cambodia to work in a salon. I thought this would occupy her for five afternoons a week, but she decided that the salon was too crowded to learn in. So she spent most days sitting around the apartment doing “home lessons,” which involved painting roses or Despicable Me characters on little plastic fake fingernails. I digress.

  • Schmoop

    SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ALEKSANDRA!! Literally anyone! Every time her sad little face comes on my TV screen I want to fly to Idaho and talk some sense into her. And why was the male friend from Angola so supportive?! No It won’t get better! She is literally committing to a sex-less, dancing-free life in Idaho and it is so sad.

    Also, Carolina is 22. If they have been dating for four years and have lived together, Fernando was most likely married and then started dating a Columbian teen. This still doesn’t explain why he’s dragging his feet on the visa. He is one large, shady, ladies man.

    To use verbiage she is familiar with, I can’t even with Loren.

    • boomdeyay

      He’s still married maybe? Or bankrupt? Is the house in his parents name to hide assets? Somebody knows a lot about them so fess up!

      • abby

        I think Fernando is still married, or was at the time of taping. Again, he hasn’t given a real reason as to why the paperwork is taking so long. He keeps making trips back and forth to Columbia, stringing Carolina and her family along. They have been together for 4 years. That’s a long time to have proven to the government that this is a real relationship. Something is definately not right.

        • Buffo

          I doubt it’s just one thing that isn’t right.

  • abby

    From day one, I had high hopes for Melanie and Devar, but after last night I’ve changed my mind. Devar is here to earn money to support his family back in Jamaica. Plain and simple. Melanie has posted on the 90 day page, saying how certain scenes were edited. Yes, I get that. But that was a lengthy conversation, and with all that was said, I can’t see how that was a “glitch” in editing. He showed his true colors and intentions. He’s no different than Mo, he is just bolder and laid it all out to Mel and her sisters, rather than hide it until after the wedding.

    • boomdeyay

      What 90 day page does Melanie post in? Facebook?

      • abby

        Facebook 90 Day Fiance page.

        • snd fan

          OMG?! There is a 90 day fiance facebook page? I *need* to check this out!

          • abby

            Oh yes do check it out! Several of the 90 day cast members post there. In fact last night, a woman posted she is pregnant by Mohamed. (Not the same mistress from NY). Danielle came on, ranting and raving. It was hilarious! The post was deleted unfortunately. Danielle whines and cries to the administrators to delete any negative comments about her precious unemployed foreign exchange student. Thats not faaiiirrr!!!

  • Stephanie

    I’m starting to like Nikki more each episode. She stands up for herself- or, maybe it’s just teenage talking back that I’m noticing. Run, girl, run.

    ALSO, Can we talk about the fact that Mark’s “OCD” way of organizing his books was to stack them horizontally without the titles facing outwards?? It was yet another nail in the “he’s a serial killer” coffin for me.

    Dammit, Devar, I was rooting for you! I mean, I guess that it’s cool that he is upfront about sending money home, but that totally surprised me when he was so candid. Mel’s sisters are terrifying. I think it’s the bright blue eyes next to terrible hair colors and leathery skin. *off to look up Jamaican beach boys*

    The second Loren said she is not a selfish person, I was done with her- anyone who has to say they are not something, is that thing. I can’t believe she made that into a “me” moment when he was obviously so sad. Alexei’s face in the confessionals really say it all. He hates it there. I would, too.

    Poor Aleksandra. And honestly, poor Josh, too. He really wanted to make her happy, and he sweetly tried. But, yeah… That wasn’t salsa dancing. Also, go-go dancers have partners?? Is she also a ballroom dancer? Her hair is gorgeous.

    Fernando. Yuck. I don’t feel badly for Carolina- she knows what she’s getting into with this schlubb.

    • GluedTo90DF

      Maybe Alexandra will meet Alexie on the reunion show and hit it off. I like that idea.

      • abby

        Yes! They would make a great couple!

      • Deborah Carleton Rio

        You nailed it!!

  • Heather126

    The girl with the Israeli guy reminds me of that crazy character from wedding crashers!! The girl that was with Vince Vaughn!

  • WaitForIt

    Anybody else notice Loren’s dad looked positively gleeful when she locked Alexei out of their bedroom? Or maybe he was just relishing a respite from her whining, like so many of us do.

    • snd fan

      Yes, and why do they encourage her terrible behavior. Telling Alexei he better go fix it and her one fit is her being unhappy?! Yes one fit and their relationship is doomed (sarcastic face)

  • boomdeyay

    Mark is really not being pedo and creepy. He is doing and saying a lot of ill thought out and awkward things but he isn’t pawing her at every opportunity.

    • snd fan

      True we aren’t seeing him physically touching her but the way he talks to her is bizzare. I think it was the first episode when he talked to her over the computer and he sounded like he was talking to a dog and waving at her as if she was an infant. Just the fact that he needed to make her a ‘virgin’ margarita should be a red flag that this 40 yr age difference is crazy!

  • ItSmellsLikePee

    I told you this on Facebook but I’ll say it again, THANKS for recapping this trainwreck. It makes me feel less alone in my love of terrible reality television. I have a couple of comments about this latest episode, aimed toward Grandpa and Granddaughter Mail Order Bride Nikki, and Melanie. First of all, ew, I am disgusted by Mark. He bought his little teen filipina and he wants her to shut up and put out. He apparently thinks all women are interchangeable so he can just regift the same damn car. Maybe he should just hire an escort for a GFE experience and not spend his time inflicting himself on poor young women who want to leave their country.

    Secondly, Melanie and Devar. They seemed pretty positive at first. I wish I could stand Melanie’s voice and appearance more though. She has this croaky vocal fry thing going on like Chelsea from season two. JUST TAKE A DAMN BREATH and speak with oxygen in your lungs. He is super cute and she’s just…ok. I would be highly suspicious of this arrangement especially after the “sending 99% of his earning home” debacle.

  • CoachWristletJen

    You know, I was looking down at my phone when she said something like, “Don’t put anything in my shoe chair.” So, at first I just assumed it was a chair designated for her shoes. I had no idea she meant a literal SHOE CHAIR! Where does one even find such a thing? I don’t want to know!