When Danielle told Mohamed that she just wanted to be friends, then flew to Miami to openly force him back into their relationship before threatening to have him deported because he wasn’t living up to his end of the “friends” bargain, I decided that I’d finally had enough of feeding the Jbali Jbfrenzy. These people are not well. They should not be on television. (At least not basic cable.)
I mean, obviously I still watched. But coming up with snarky observations about these two is like shooting fish in a teeny tiny fish-shaped barrel filled with ten million fish and like, a teaspoon of water. Sadly, something has happened that, for my OWN mental health, we’ll need to discuss here on SND.
During the rather bizarre group therapy version of the “90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After” reunion special, Mohamed revealed that during their marriage he couldn’t have sex with Danielle because of a mysterious medical issue. Danielle’s symptoms include something that prompted Mohamed to scream on national television, “Before you have sex, you need to see a doctor!”
For her part, Danielle did not protest. She might as well have screamed back, “I know! I’m workin’ on it but I can’t get insurance because I ain’t got money for a stamp to mail ’em in!”
I had to go wake-up my fiancé and rewind this exchange for him because it was too disturbing to suffer alone.
I hopped on Twitter to check out the “soshul meedya” reaction and everyone seemed to be on Danielle’s side. Okay, great. If you were really on Danielle’s side, you’d be less excited about annulment papers and more excited about her maybe meeting with a compassionate psychiatrist – and apparently a good gynecologist. Listen, the last we saw in Miami, Danielle was stalking and harassing her husband. Imagine if all of those exes to whom you said, “We should still be friends!” called you five times a day and flew to your state to scream at you in the street about all of your broken promises.
For his part, Mohamed could’ve gone inside. He did not need to call his favorite three-digit phone number.
One could legally argue that they were separated the day Mohamed left their shared residence. Danielle will have a difficult time getting his “ass deported” now that her relentless harassment and obvious disconnect is well-documented and on-camera. Anyone can file papers and theatrically fling them around. It’s up to a (hopefully rational and sane) judge to filter out the dramatic bullshit and determine what the law says. There’s not a lot of judicial discretion in divorce – mainly because they are ALL drama-filled he-said vs. she-said shouting matches. The judges don’t get to pick sides. They just consult a big book of existing laws and say, “Okay, these are the super technical rules. It is so ordered.” (TM: Beth, attny-at-law’s offspring)
But back to Danielle’s downstairs, I’m amazed to acknowledge the new low that is “90 Day Fiance.” Has it really come to this, my 90 Day Friends? Is this where we are now? Mohamed is getting graphic about Danielle’s privates and the molester that hosts “The Apprentice” has a surreal shot of being elected President tomorrow. What have we become?
A new hair-do does not make Danielle ready to take on the realities of a world she is not equipped to deal with.
Obviously I await your thoughts. Don’t forget, I’m recapping the new season over on Previously.TV. (That Anfisa is thiiiiiiis close to a coach flight back to Sector 12 of her grandma’s communist apartment building.) And until next time, if ever that time might arise, may all of your commercial breaks be brief!