Based upon the title of this post, you’re probably asking, “What happened in Texas, Beth?”
Well let me tell you. A “former beauty queen” in Texas (of course) has a 3000 square foot, 3-story closet where she keeps all of her Birkin bags and priceless jewelry, in addition to buckets of chilled champagne and ever-present orchids. If you are a gaudy rich person, you have to have orchids in your closet. It is the law. After displaying her closet castle on national television shows and hosting public events “for charity” inside her closet, this broad and her husband go out to dinner at the county club and forget to set the alarm. If you are a gaudy rich person, you also have to have dinner at the country club, which are all notorious for shitty food. Gaudy rich people are always bragging about dining at the country club (see; Little Women: LA), when everyone knows only tacky people eat there on the regular. Anyway, the famous 3-story closet was burglarized (duh) and the former beauty queen is taking this harder than you took it the time your grandpa died.
I think this pisses me off so much because that closet is so dramatically ostentatious. It exists to make you feel bad about your life. It exists to show other people up. It exists in spite of people starving around the world, and probably in Texas. I am all for wealth! I think money is divine. But there is a level of wealth mixed with a level of shitty taste, as displayed here, that cross a line. For example, Bill Gates (hopefully) has more money than this Bravolebrity-wannabe and he’s not rubbing his closet of v-neck sweaters in our faces on Good Morning America.
That said, I’m harshly judging this crime victim because I am jealous of her new money and angry at the way I assume she votes, if she votes at all. This is my snobbery coming out, and will probably bite me in the ass. That’s why, when I go to the country club for a dinner of tuna tartare served in a martini glass from 1998, I take all my Birkin bags with me.