“NO” read the subject line of Beth’s email. The contents were simply a link, to a Gawker article entitled Ever See a Horse Wish It Was Dead? Asks Martha Stewart (Pls Comment). I was hooked.

As I am both a crazy animal person and a former orthodontic chairside assistant (for real! I used to work here, can you believe it? If there had been webpages back then, I would have been here. SLIDING DOORS PEOPLE) Beth knew that this hit my sweet spot. But it hit that spot even harder when I realized the real story here are the CRAZY INTERNET COMMENTERS.

It all started when dear, dear Martha Stewart tweeted the following:

Have I ever seen a horse get his tooth pulled? Well, no. I have, however, had cats and dogs who have had teeth pulled, and after looking at the photos Martha “posted” (does she really blog, Martha Stewart? Were I in her shoes, would I be fucking with slideshow plug-ins? Dubious.) I’m kind of pissed that I never demanded that the vet and tech take some shots of the offending molars.

Of course, my favorite part of the tweet is the “Pls comment on blog” part. What can one say in response to this slideshow of Rutger’s (OF COURSE his name is Rutger) day at the dentist? All sorts of wonderful things. Here are some examples:

I never know what to expect when I check into your blog! What a surprise this morning, equine dentistry. I have never seen an extracted horse tooth. I will be talking about this all day (or at least until my coworkers beg me to stop). Thank you for the incredibly interesting and informative posts! — Stephanie W.

Don’t you wish you worked with Stephanie W? I know I do.

Awww.. Rutger is such a good boy. He seemed to be a very good patient. It was fascinating to see the procedure. I don’t know much about horses. It’s interesting and wonderful how much veterinary practices have evolved. The care of animals is as good as humans. I hope Rutger feels better soon. Thank you..– Judy

I feel like Judy didn’t really look at the slideshow. They basically took some pliers and pulled Rutger’s tooth out of his head, same way the “barber” would have pulled your tooth out, Judy, in the Sweeney Todd era.

Incredible! The size of the tooth, the hole being drilled into Rutger’s head – ouch!!! I hate going to the dentist and glad I’m not a horse. Expensive procedure! Happy that Rutger came thru and is doing well.–Summer

Summer, if you were a horse, the procedure would probably have been significantly more expensive, because they would have had to do an implant or a crown. Also, when you’re a horse, you get general anesthetic when you go to the dentist, not novocaine, nitrous, and that “twilight sleep” bullshit. Just saying.

Yes, the sinus flush did look alarming with that drilled hole, but there are times when I have horrible sinus congestion and pain, and I don’t think I’d be completely opposed to a good ol’ hole in the head to ease the pressure. What a lucky boy. (Being a Freisian myself…not the horse , but of northern Dutch descent, I am partial to your horses.) –Julie

Julie, that’s called trepanning. They do it — to people–in Utah.