Are you on Polyvore? Can I follow you? Will you follow me? Will you like my Polyvore sets on Pinterest? You don’t know what I’m talking about. ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN!
I live my life aspirationally. I am never happy with what I have and must thus find better ways to live on Pinterest. I could kill hours of time scrolling through Pinterest adding a billionaire’s living room to my “House!” board or pinning a homemade cleanse recipe on my “Food!” board that, come on, we all know is never going to happen. I think I once pinned an “Abs” thing. Abs! Ha!
One of my favorite things to pin on Pinterest are Polyvore outfit creations, and I just (last night) figured out that I can just download an app and make my own. Um, turns out I am a fashion genius. Polyvore, which I use to create 5-minute sartorial masterpieces on my iPhone while waiting for my cousin to pick me up, allows you to put together perfect, unrealistic ensembles from pieces for sale online and then post them on social media for mass applause. Please admire mine!
As soon as I saw a fur in “Outerwear”, I was like, click. It became the base of my set. Then I added jeans and vintage Chanel earrings and my stroke of genius was the ironic t. God, I love this. Oh shit, I need to go back and add a red lipstick. You can do that, you know. Polyvore is so wonderful.
Okay, I don’t have that $30 baseball hat. But I have a Red Sox hat that makes me look like I’m probably friends with Good Will Hunting. Regardless, I wear the above all the time and look nothing like this. I am also way fatter than this invisible broad, but still. Maybe it’s because I leave all the clothes that I wear regularly in a pile on my bedroom floor…
This is the closest approximation of the IRL outfit I have on right now, and Polyvore makes it adorable. Somehow, if you put this on me, I look borderline homeless. I took a big screen shot to show how you just drag over glasses to create your little outfit collage. You just realized how fun this is, didn’t you?
Of course, some of the best things for your Polyvore outfit sets are either no longer available for sale online (which means you can still use them in your fake outfit, but not your real one) or cost a billion dollars. What clutch should I use? Oh yes, this $35,000 Yves St. Laurent one goes nicely with these destroyed jeans and $90 t-shirt.
Please try it out, and share your Polyvore sets in the comments so that we can judge. Make it work!