We here at Slow News Day aren’t in the business of shaming people on the basis of their appearance, especially non-famous people. But what about people who intentionally do things to make themselves appear repugnant? Well, I haven’t checked with Beth, but I think they’re fair game.
That’s why you’re looking at a picture of a Massachusetts man named Caius Veiovis, who is so intentionally unpleasant looking that I had to pair with his mugshot with two of the best, most comforting things on earth: some baby bunnies and some Oreos. Veiovis, who is presently on trial for his alleged role in the killing and dismembering of three men in 2011, is one of three men accused of the crime — his co-defendants have all been convicted of three counts of murder, kidnapping and intimidation of a witness. Those guys each got three consecutive life terms, and now it’s time for Caius to see what the state thinks of his case.
Veiovis’ involvement in the murders revolves around the testimony of a Home Depot employee, who recognized the defendant based on his appearance. The witness claims that Veiovis was inside the store with the intent of purchasing saws. The prosecution suggests that Veiovis was looking for tools to dismember the victims. However, the employee’s testimony states that Veiovis left the store only after purchasing a Starfold wrench set.
It’s like, where do I start with this? If you’re someone who commits crimes, why on earth would you make yourself look this wacky, making an identification a total freakin’ SLAM DUNK? If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years in the media (besides that I like it way more than real work) it’s that the last thing you want to be is in any way remarkable if you’re going to do bad stuff. THAT is how they get you, my friend. Black hoodie, jeans, sunglasses, and they’ll never find you, not even if you walk into a Home Depot and start asking if a reciprocating or circular saw is better for getting through bone.
Then again, if this poor weirdo was just buying wrenches to work on his sainted mother’s car and got framed by someone who got all made up to look like him, that would truly suck. Reading over the circumstances of the case, I don’t think any of the folks involved are that crafty. But in the end, this is YET ANOTHER REASON not to make yourself look like this in the first place — you make it WAY TOO EASY for people to implicate you in crimes.
So let’s talk more about how this dude looks, and why. He reportedly has “several body modifications, including surgically installed ‘horns’ on his forehead; cosmetically shaped ears to appear more pointed; and a tattoo of the number ‘666’ on his forehead.” So now I want to know who performed these procedures, and how much they cost. The tattoos, that’s no big thing, but the ear thing (which didn’t seem to work out that well) and the horn thing? Those seem to be easily-infectable procedures, so I’m wondering about the circumstances behind the work.
And all this, presumably, is in the service of Satan, I guess? Veiovis, who was reportedly born “Roy Gutfinski Jr.” (HAHAHAH ROY HAHAHAH please don’t kill me) reportedly legally changed his name to that of “an ancient Roman god whom Roman worshippers would annually sacrifice goats to, believing the act would avert plagues” while serving time in a Maine prison in 2008.
Oh yeah, the crime he was locked up for? According to “Crime Library” (so, take that as you will), ROY “was convicted of elevated aggravated assault, aggravated assault and reckless conduct for slicing open the back of a female victim, then licking the blood while kissing his girlfriend. The victim required 32 stitches to close up the wound. Gulfinski was 19 at the time of the assault, and his girlfriend was 16; the two were said to be involved in vampire sub-culture and enjoyed drinking their own blood and the blood of others.”
Oh, Roy. Here we are 14 years later, and you’re quaking in your seat at the defense table, hoping some orange-clad big box hardware store clerk gets confused and says that the guy who came in asking about saws only had two horns instead of three, or had “669” tattooed on his head instead of “666.”