This woman has the best:
2. Regional Accent
3. Attitude about curtains
Recently, I’ve decided to reevaluate what I regard as important qualities to possess, and basically, my new aspiration is to have to general gratitude, humor, and confidence in personal expression as this woman. This is the broad you want helping you buy a dress, helping you negotiate a contract, and helping you ask good, positive questions on a date.
“Now Maahhk, I notice you have very strawng ahhhm muscles. You must wuhk witcha hands! Tell us awl about that!” I love, love, love her. This woman is impressed with everything about you. She loves the cheap rug you bought at Ikea and are kinda embarrassed about. She thinks you’ve lost weight every time she sees you, and announces this in a humiliating but welcome way. This woman thinks everything you’re up to is just terrific, and after talking to her, you hold that bright head of yours just a little bit higher.
I fucking LOVE her.
A couple of questions:
1. Do you think she was invited to be part of the Quality Curtain Outlet commercial and just went overboard because this is for local TV and she wants to give them the best possible review ever? Or does she really love the Curtain Outlet this much? Either way, she’s fantastic.
2. WHAT DOES HER HOUSE LOOK LIKE?!?!? At a minimum, I’d love to see some photos (from every season). Ideally, I’d be invited over for some Crystal Lite, veggie tray, and a Hoarders marathon. “Oh Christ, look at this one. Isn’t that a shame, that nice man in that beautiful trailer and all that junk… But I do like his curtains.”