If you’ve been paying any attention to the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, you’ve probably heard something about dogs running wild and horrible bathroom conditions. Sochi is trying their best to host the Olympics, but speaking as a child of the 80s who vaguely remembers that these people were once our enemies, it’s Russia. What do you expect? They didn’t have any toilet paper for like, all of 1983.
Last night, adorable American (hero) bobsledder Johnny Quinn was taking a shower and when he emerged, clean-smelling and muscular, he found the door of his crappy, Russian bathroom jammed. So Johnny did what any American in a Cold War-era movie would do and kicked that door down. Hopefully, he had some sort of cool parting line he could grunt as he walked away, clutching a towel around his chiseled waist; something like, “Sorry about your door. You can send the bill to Freedom Town, USA.” (That line sucks. You can do better in the comments.)
Or maybe this is how Johnny Quinn uses all doors. I hope so.
Related: This once happened to my brother, who was home from school, a scrawny pre-teen in our house alone. The doorknob in the bathroom broke and he was in there for “30 minutes” (my guess is it was more like 2 hours). He “considered” breaking the door down, but eventually managed to jimmy the lock with a Tweezers or similar. Long story short, my childhood conditions in Mill Valley, CA were much like present day Sochi.