Some genius compiled the complete list of a year in the life of Mullins-Jbali Police Reports. Here’s the Smithsonian-worthy compilation. As a Pride-weekend present, the ladies of Slow News Day have pulled for you our favorite lines from all of the reports from all of the times Mohamed called the Sandusky, Ohio police department:
“Faith, Kylee, and Briana were spoken with and Kylee spoke for them. This was due to the Faith getting there shortly before Mohamed called and Briana being shy.” – 3/2/15
“Upon arrival, contact was made with the complainant, Mohamed Jbali. Mohamed advised his wife, Danielle Jbali, took $54.00 and would not give it back to him.” – 4/16/15
“Danielle said she took the money to help pay for rent and a new tire for their vehicle.” – 4/16/15
“I spoke with Mohamed Jbali and he said he noticed someone had been looking into his FACEBOOK page on his laptop.” – 4/30/15
Okay, at this point Mo is calling the police because someone opened the family laptop to his Facebook page. I suspect this is like the time I discovered that room service was included in the price of a cruise, so I called room service like, 3 times a day. Mohamed feels that way about police. Whenever he has a problem with anything, he calls upon America’s free law enforcement.
“During their argument, Mohamed said he heard Kylee mention that she wanted to harm herself at which time he decided to call the police because he believed Kylee might be suicidal.” – 4/30/15
“Danielle did not want to speak with officers at this time because she was too upset and she did not want to get involved in the matter between Mohamed and Kylee.” – 4/30/15
Apparently Danielle is of the mind that if her estranged husband is accusing her minor child of threatening suicide, it’s not her problem. Noted.
“Faith said Mohamed tends to exaggerate his words and he uses them and understands words in a different manner because he is not from the United States.” – 4/30/15
Once again, Faith is the only voice of reason.
“Mohamed advised he told Danielle he wanted a divorce and he was going to be leaving soon. Mohamed said Danielle responded by throwing his clothes outside and that is why he contacted this department.” – 12/16/15
“Officers advised both parties they would need to peacefully coexist until Mohamed moved out and they advised they understood.” – 12/16/15
Happy New Year! We move on to 2016:
“Upon arrival, officers met with the caller, Mohamed Jbali, who advised multiple Facebook accounts have been made with persons posing as Mohamed.” 1/2/16
“This officer explained Mohamed should be patient as Facebook may require more time to deactivate the fake accounts.” – 1/2/16
“On arrival Danielle Jbali was located outside the residence with Mohamed Jbali standing at the door. Danielle was demanding a set of luggage from Mohamed, who told her this would have to be settled in court.” – 2/1/16
“It was learned they are in the process of divorce and are having a disagreement about marital property. Mohamed advised he has been living on Parkview Blvd. and has told Danielle not to come over. He continued stating she has been contacting him and others that reside in the residence, despite being told not to call or text.” – 2/1/16
“Danielle Jbali advised she has been receiving text messages from Maria Veiga on her phone and she wished for Maria to stop. She stated she knows Maria as a fan who watched the show 90 day fiance which her and her estranged husband were on. She stated she used to think of Maria as a friend, but now she doesn’t.” – 6/22/16 (this is 48 hours ago!)
“I contacted Maria and informed her to not send any text messages to Danielle and she stated she understood.” – 6/22/16
Throughout these many police reports, Danielle and Mohamed keep stating that they “understood” but clearly that is not the case. Stay away from each other! It’s $54! It’s a suitcase! Let it go!
Say whatever generalizations you want about law enforcement, but it seems to me like the SPD is incredibly fucking patient. I would have been like, “I saw you nerds on TV! You’re both nuts! Leave us alone to deal with the paying clients of Paul Dolce, Esq.”
A new 90DF is just around the corner, 90 Day Friends. We cannot wait!