(I am about to go all starfucker on you! Sorry!*)
The first time I met John Doe, he told me “you don’t want to get a goat. Goats are a pain in the ass. You want a pig — they’ll be your friend for life.” As you know, John Doe is a very wise man, so I took him seriously and did not get a goat. I did not get a pig, either! But I have talked about it a lot. “What about a micro-pig?” I have asked my husband again and again. I MEAN LOOK AT THIS SHIT.
And then I heard about Esther the Wonder Pig.
“We we’re told Esther was a ‘mini pig’ and that she wouldn’t get any bigger than 70lbs. We didn’t know Esther would grow to be so large. We were duped,” her guardians say. But Esther now weighs…
“approximately 375lbs…but she may get a little but fatter as she matures.”
No body shaming here, Esther.
Vegansaurus’ Sarah E. Brown has an amazing interview with Steve Jenkins and Derek Walter, the couple that adopted Esther when she was just a little squirt. According to the interview, Steve is a realtor, Derek is a professional magician. YES. The professional magician who has a giant pig! IN THE HOUSE! Are you not dying yet?
*Maybe you haven’t heard that we’re a drunk slumber party over here, and since Beth doesn’t drink and I don’t sleep in beds that aren’t my own, the only thing left is slurred bragging.