Last week, someone asked me if I knew what “Pet Paint” was. I said I didn’t, but I made a note for myself in our Slow News Day queue, and now that I’ve started reading about it, I’m incredibly pissed at myself that I didn’t research this sooner.
Pet Paint is, they will tell you on their website, colored hairspray for dogs. “Just press down on the nozzle and you’re off,” they say on their “How to use” page. Sadly, their “How to videos” page is bereft of any such videos.
Sprayable hair color is nothing new to anyone who’s ever gone to a Celebration Halloween store, but “rigorous clinical testing” reportedly went into making this shit “dog-safe and veterinarian approved.” Testing, one hopes, on something other than ACTUAL DOGS.
Oh, wait, maybe testing was done on actual dogs! According to an article in Entrepreneur from earlier this year, Pet Paint founder Abe Geary (also my stripper name) got started in pet painting when he did an impromptu paint job on his brother’s dog, spraying a marriage proposal to his fiancee on the dog’s coat. THEN ABE WENT ON SHARK TANK!!!
Though Abe got an offer from the “sharks,” he turned it down. Pretty ballsy, especially for a company with 234 twitter followers at publication time.
Over at Pawsitively Pets (at this point I am so deep in the k-hole that is pet pun media I might never get out), a reviewer got pretty impressive tiger results, though he or she did say that the provided stencils left a lot to be desired. All in all, though, the reviewer said that the product is an acceptable “alternative for dogs who hate wearing clothes and costumes on Halloween or other holidays/events.”
Because this is a problem that needs to be solved! “Oh, shit, my doberman won’t wear that Raiders jersey I got him” (Yes, dobermans are Raiders fans. You thought I was going to say pit bulls, didn’t you? SURPRISE) “guess I better spray paint him!” Sure! Why not.